Home > NFL > Week 4 NFL Picks: Downright Competent

Week 4 NFL Picks: Downright Competent

8-7-1 last week bitches! One more week like that and I’ll be wandering around Rivers Casino handing out business cards and looking for a bookie.

The Cuts has had a miserable time producing content this week. I was sick most of the week and spent the better part of yesterday preparing for a camping trip that was rained out and doing a phone interview for some real, actual employment. Anyway, with my general malaise/actual stuff to do situation I missed out on opining about the baseball madness as well as the super interesting ESPN 30 for 30 about Steve Bartman. I particularly had a lot to say about that documentary but subsequently forgot everything I watched the next morning due to my NyQuil haze. All I can say with certainty is that I learned a lot about the context of that play (which I was in college for when it happened so it was likely I had one eye on the game while getting tutored on the finer points of rolling a joint) and Steve Bartman got a really shitty rap by his fellow Cub fans. How is it that we don’t put Cub fans near the top of the list of douchiest sports fans? Bartman practically lives in exile. Dude can’t even use a debit card without worrying about blowing his cover. Tragic.

Anyway, enough Bartman. This is a super brief edition of picks because, you know, I got a pretty nice little Saturday* planned.

*How awesome would it be to be the kid who holds the beer bong for Will Ferrel? What a story. 

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After our little fight last week I have gone crawling back to Bodog for these lines. Everything is good with us now. No big deal. What this? Oh, I ran into a door. Clumsy me!

Season: 18-27-3

Lions (+1) over COWBOYS: Tuesday morning, after the Cowboys edged the Redskins, Ron Jaworski GUSHED about how great Romo played despite the fact he threw one of the worst interceptions I have seen all season and couldn’t buy a touchdown drive with a pretty good offense. I will never understand this Romo love. He has to be the only quarterback in the NFL whose highlight package features taking a snap in the nuts.

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Saints (-7.5) over JAGUARS: My anti-McCown agenda will continue until proven ineffective.

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EAGLES (-9) over 49ers: This pick is much less about my confidence in the Eagle offense as it is my confidence that the Niners won’t be able to do anything with the ball.

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Redskins (-3) over RAMS: Because why not?

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BROWNS (+1) over Titans: Sorry, that last one was lazy and stupid. Won’t happen again.

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Bills (-3) over BENGALS: This is the most ridiculous line of the week. I didn’t dream the Bills beating the Patriots and the Bengals losing to the 49ers last week, right? I will be stunned if the Bills win this game by anything less than ten points.

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Vikings (-3) over CHIEFS: Starting to get nervous about how many road teams I am taking.

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Panthers (+7) over BEARS: The Panthers lost their first two games by seven and won last week by six, so it’s safe to assume that Cam Newton will never ever lose a game by more than seven which means at worst this bet is a push. Genius.

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Falcons (-5.5) over SEAHAWKS: Atlanta is in a bad place. 1-2 in a division with the Saints and Buccaneers (both 2-1), and with the Saints and Bucs looking at likely victories (playing the Jags and Colts, respectively), the Falcons have got to feel like this week is a must-win. Luckily for them they get a truly putrid Seahawks team that they should be able to CRUSH, and crush I believe they will.

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CARDINALS (+1.5) over Giants: I was having a discussion the other day with someone about who the best receivers in the NFL are, and without hesitation I said Calvin Johnson and Andre Johnson. And he waited for me to say something else, and I was all wtf bro that’s it. And he said, what about Fitz? And then I realized that since Fitz plays in Arizona nobody on the east coast ever really gets to see him play and it’s way too easy to forget how great he is. There’s a really good chance he’s better than either of the Johnsons, and I forgot he even played. I feel like when Fitz is eligible for the Hall of Fame in like 20 years people will be like, yeah he was unreal but he played in Arizona, and really who even cares that they have a team?

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CHARGERS (-7) over Dolphins: There are only two teams in the NFL that have been outscored AND have winning records: The Chargers and the Steelers. I don’t think this means anything, but it’s RESEARCH!

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PACKERS (-13) over Broncos: I’m telling you man, people in Denver will EAT THEIR WORDS. But not this week.

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Patriots (-5.5) over RAIDERS: Never ever ever bet against Tom Brady after a loss.

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RAVENS (-4) over Jets: I am secretly afraid that the Ravens are going to start crushing teams while the Steelers spend most of the season piecing together an offensive line out of wheelbarows and garbage cans and Mr. Potato Head dolls.

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Colts (+10.5) over Buccaneers: The Colts defense showed me quite a bit last week. I’m seriously surprised they are this much of an underdog. I mean, if the defense can hold the Bucs to ten points or less they can cover this easily. Wait what?

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TEXANS (-4) over Steelers: Don’t lie to yourself, you know this is true.

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